Legends Have No Contest
by TheDragonLover
Summary: This is for SilverUmbra's contest, concerning all of the Legendaries. You don't have to do every single one, but if you want to enter a round you have to say you are. Latest Entry: Deoxys.
1. Shaymin's Opinion of Stereotypes

_This is for that contest-thing on SU's profile that I missed most of, and I got this wonderful idea and wanted to post it! Thank Dalsson and Co., though, because without him I wouldn't have gotten the idea (well, it really is HIS, so yeah), but he won't write it, so I figured I will. XP Anyways, here it is!_

Note: Have a really good sense of humor, and no, I do not imagine Shaymin as this normally – considering I have Shaymin as a girl in my "DLaLF" story, for one thing. Just thought I'd write this for my friend. And NO, Shaymin is NOT gay. Just read and you'll understand.

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Shaymin's Opinion of Stereotypes

For those of you out there that are afraid of gay people…I laugh at you. In fact, I will laugh at you, and then I will you scare you to the best of my ability. Because I have been put on this planet to make your life a living hell. Alright, I guess I should explain fully before I go on any further.

I am Shaymin, or as humans like to say the "Gratitude Pokemon". Why? Don't ask me, ask the humans. But, anyways, I'm Shaymin, and despite my girly appearance I am all male. Liking flowers doesn't automatically make you a girl. I hate that point-of-view. To pieces. I hope that it burns in a horrible, horrible fiery death – and I hate fire.

In fact, I hate all stereotypes and myths and such, like Pokemon that wear black or _are_ black-colored are supposed to be emo or gothic. Zapdos has some black on her wings, but is she emo? No, she's gender-confused, but that's another story. Is Darkrai emo? No, but he's pretty damn antisocial. He hates Edgar Allen Poe, by the way, so all of you fangirls that write about him reading dark poetry or cutting himself or something for your sick pleasure – jump off a cliff. (1) You all need to get a dollar, walk to the book store, and buy a clue.

But, anyways, I'm getting off the point – I have been known to ramble when ranting. (I think Mewtwo's getting to me…yikes! That's a scary thought!)

The _point_ is that all stereotypes are wrong. Yeah, you heard me – you're wrong. _You_ are _wrong._ Preppy girls don't always talk like they are retarded, because some of them are actually pretty smart. Football players also can be sensitive without being gay.

And not all gay people are _seriously_ gay.

You see, there are two types of "gay people": people who are _seriously, absolutely, can't-deny-it_ homosexual (like Heatran, I love the gal), and those that pretend to be gay because they can and aren't _really_ gay, but are often mistaken as gay.

Do you want to guess which one I am?

To tell you the truth, being "gay" is probably the best thing in the world to be, if you're faking it, the reason being because there are so many opportunities to piss people off or freak 'em out. Let me tell you, for instance, this one time I was hanging out with Latios. He was all talking about his sister and everything, (der, being an "older brother" and all) and I was nodding my head and listening – somewhat. I made a big show of occasionally looking around, and eventually I think he noticed because he gave me an awkward glance and asked, "Err, what are you doing?"

"Sorry," I grinned, "I was just getting distracted because of your butt. It's just so sexy and…and _out there,_ ya know?"

Maybe that's why he doesn't talk to me anymore….

But, anyways, I have fun freaking people out, and honestly, people love me for it. They think of me as the gay-but-not-really-gay friend that I'm pretty sure everyone wants to have, and that's cool. I grin when Arceus gives me an uneasy look, and I laugh when Kyogre scowls and calls me a "fag" – because, honestly, that's what I am: a fag. And real gay people should not be offended by the title because they know they aren't fags – for fags are "fake gays" – and really they should laugh along with the world.

You shouldn't get angry unless it's true, you know. Or something like that. (2)

Another example of me being a fag was when I was joking around with Mew – who's a homo-phobe. Oh, dear Arceus, I love to mess with him. And he tries to believe that I'm not gay, but he's just so paranoid and ends up scaring himself! Anyways, we were hanging around at one of Deoxys' parties – quite the party gal, and I love her – and we were hanging out with Mesprit, Suicune, Celebi, and Deoxys herself, joking around and such. Eventually, the way I talked sunk into Mew's head (you know, that _stereotypical_ accent that gay people on TV magically have just because they're homosexual?) because he turned to me, gave me a once over, and asked quietly, "So…are you…_gay,_ or something?"

I mentally grinned, but I solemnly shook my head and told him, a serious face on, "No, but my boyfriend's a _flamer!_"

It took a couple of seconds for that to sink in after he said 'oh' and turned away, and finally he stopped and mumbled, "Wait…." The girls giggled at him, and Suicune took a paw to pat him on the back and inform him, "Don't hurt yourself thinking about that one, kid." I swear, he's slow at times, but he's fun to mess with because of it, the adorable hyper kitty.

I'm not trying to be offending – well, at least, not to the good people – but I am trying to be truthful. I am not gay, nor will I ever _be_ gay. But, I will make sure that you don't know that right off the bat, because it's fun to mess with you. I love you, honestly, I do, but I have a mischievous side of me that loves to pull pranks and such. Don't take it personal, I do it to everyone.

It's like how Zapdos plays off as a guy but is really a girl, you know? Kinda like that, except she's _way_ more obvious. Most people aren't sure around me.

You know what? There are _way_ too many sensitive people out there who will find this offensive, and I tell them to bring on the best they got, because I am a Legendary and will fight to protect my opinions. I am here as a reminder that stereotypes are all wrong, and I will bug the _hell_ out of you until you understand that.

So, when people call you a "fag" or "gay", I hope you think about me and what I stand for: the minority of people on the planet who are born to piss the world off. And then, turn to the person who called you that and ask, "Do you mean Shaymin-gay or Heatran-gay?"

And just to confuse them, have the most smart-alecky grin on your face while you say it. I'll be somewhere sneezing and grinning at the same time. (3)

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(1) Shaymin glared at me during this part…although I don't make him cut himself.

(2) Dalsson and Co.'s quote, not mine!

(3) Ya know, the whole "if you sneeze, someone's talking/thinking about you" thing?

_I hope you enjoyed it! It was fun to write, although I have to say it's missing something…does anybody know what? Maybe I should have added more "fag" moments…IDK. Anyways, this is my entry! I know it's late, but WHATEV! I worked hard on it! I'm gonna put it up anyways! Peace!_

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Lots of dragon-y love (and cookies!),  
~DL ('Dragon Lover')


	2. Deoxys is Awesome

_Alright, here is my entry for the contest for the Deoxys round. Personally, I really like this one. :D I love how I wrote her personality, it really strikes me as, to put it simply, "awesome". *sniped* Ouch, okay, I get it - on with my entry!_

Note: The random, nonsense words are from both of the Deoxys' language. Use your imagination to what they could mean. ;P

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Deoxys is Awesome

I'm not one to brag…

But man, I'm _awesome._

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "What a stuck-up Pokemon! How can that orange blob of mutated virus think she's so incredible?" I can understand where you're coming from, being human, since almost all humans seem to have a superiority complex – or at least the ones I've come across. It's not your fault, you've been raised like that, but sometimes you just have to realize there are some greater powers above you.

Such as me. Oh, yeah, I'm awesome, alright.

Let me explain to you why I know this – you humans like knowing things, right? You get driven crazy if you can't explain something, and Arceus knows how some of the crazy ones deal with it; trying to change the structure of the planet, trying to press the universe's "reset button", etc. Anyways, yes, let me explain it to you, first with my origins.

I come from outer space, right? I was a virus on a comet way out in space that hit this planet by chance. Pure chance. No, not even pure chance, just dumb luck. The meteor's dumb luck. Yes, that's it. It's all the meteor's fault.

Stupid meteor.

Anyways, yes, I fell to the icy ground of this planet long before my brother, whose name is unpronounceable in your language. (To make things easier, let's call him…Mark. Yes, I like Mark, because he's always right – on the mark, get it? Yeah, that'll work.) I was stuck in the meteor for a long time, but I could get some of my energy out to survey my surroundings – and found a young human boy. He was adorable, I tell you, and I had to make friends with him because he seemed so innocent and sweet. Man, I loved to listen to him tell stories and play tag around in that artificial jungle-thing of his…or was it his? I don't know, I didn't really pay attention – I sort of lost track of everything important around him because of his air of childish wonder.

So, while I was hanging out with the kid, Mark was going flagtaff (a word in me and my brother's language) nuts trying to find me. Oh, man, you should've seen his face when he was all worried; he had this look in his eyes that just screamed "I'm gonna freak out if I don't find her this instant" when he couldn't find me. You have no idea how fun playing hide-and-seek was with him, especially when I freaked him out. Oh, man, I'm a terrible sister. Okay, yeah, he was being overly cautious and scaring all of the humans by multiplying himself and kidnapping them and all – he _was_ trying to find me, and yet I can't help but think that maybe that was a little…extreme? I dunno what to call it, but it was way over the top, and eventually I got him to calm down.

And then…ugh, _he_ showed up.

Apparently, Mark had torked off this giant green serpent who was named "Rayquaza" on his way there. (Which is such a weird name. I mean, why "Rayquaza"? Did he shoot rays out of his eyes or something? Whatever. It's totally unoriginal, though. Unlike my name. Yeah, my name is awesome – like me!) So, he had to try to tell the guy that he was sorry about earlier, but then the humans' electronics started to freak out, too. Man, it was chaos. There were waves of robots and they all looked rather torked too, and it gave one the reminiscent creepy chill of the Terminator movies. (_Yeesh_, those movies had a scary thought going on.)

It was a relief when they were stopped, and then, it was the time I was regretting. I was supposed to leave with my brother to go back into space and find another – less dangerous – planet, but I couldn't bear to leave the kid. He was the first friend I had made here, and he was like a little brother to me as terrible as that sounds. I loved my brother…but, I loved my other "brother" too. What was I supposed to do?

We were leaving the planet's atmosphere (we don't need to breathe, which is obvious since we originate from space) when I finally couldn't take another proverbial step. I stopped in place and watched my brother go on for a little ways more, before finally he stopped too and turned to look back at me, a look on his face that told me to hurry up. Bossy brat. Well, I couldn't do it, and after we talked about it for a while he realized I had become attached to this planet – although he couldn't understand why, since he had come across a lot of terrible things here. I had seen things that perplexed me and struck awe into my heart, and I wanted to see even more of it.

With a tear and a hug, we separated, and I haven't seen him since.

So, that's my past for ya. It was interesting, but now I'm going to focus on what makes me awesome. Because I am awesome.

After I returned to Earth, I was surprised to see the green serpent hovering high in the atmosphere as if he was waiting for us to do something. That struck a nerve (yes, I have them), and so I angrily told him to buzz off. Maybe not the nicest thing to say, but still, he had no right to be spying on us. He replied by asking if I was planning on staying, and I answered him, "Yes, I _am_ staying here. I like it here. Got a problem with that?" Oh, Mark was right to worry about me with _my_ temper. Right, indeed.

Needless to say, he was pretty torked about that, and considering his past experiences with my kind, he didn't like me one bit. So, he clenched his claws and gave a fierce roar, telling me, "If you want to stay, you can – but only after you fight _me,_ protector of the skies!" A battle wasn't a bad idea at the time, so I got into my Attack Forme and got ready to whoop his ass!

Oops, sorry – didn't mean to use language. I meant "brigt". My apologies.

Anyways, we fought for a while (I can't remember exactly what moves we did, so I can't describe the fight – now don't you pout!), and finally the sun was getting hidden from us even though we were high up in the atmosphere. We were really tired, and I finally asked him, "So, what, do I have to beat you to Alvariat (faraway planet) or something? Because honestly, I don't think this is going anywhere."

He seemed to agree with me, for he finally calmed down and actually commented my form – as in, you know, how I battled, not like how I _looked_ or anything or – aww, forget it, you know what I mean. I gave him a comment on how he probably scared kids in their sleep or something, but he just told me that wasn't his department. (I later found out that "Darkrai", the keeper of nightmares or something like that, occasionally "used" Rayquaza to scare the living crap out of little kids. And I found that kind of odd. Where does he get his kicks? Jumping out of closets or from under the bed and pretending to be the Boogieman?) Then we separated, and I went to wander the Earth.

So, yeah, I stood up and fought the mighty green dragon of the skies, and survived. That's gotta make me awesome, right?

If you're still not convinced, here's something else to convince you – I have also fought Mewtwo, who I heard was supposed to be the strongest Pokemon in the world, and survived – the same as I did with Rayquaza. We came to a draw, and I have to say I was pretty impressed with the guy. He had fast reflexes (well, he was a cat), wonderful Psychic control, and was suck a quick thinker that I found that he'd be two steps ahead of me almost every time I tried to attack. I actually had to use more brain than brawn during that fight; otherwise I would have flat out last and been an unworthy opponent. It was fun to battle him, to say the least.

After the battle, he told me that he wouldn't "destroy me because I was an interesting subject", which I guess meant he was too tired to try to utterly defeat me, but I wasn't bothered by his ego because I was exhausted as well. We called it a draw because neither of us could even hover above the ground – that's how weak our Psyhic powers had become. We had fought longer than I had with Rayquaza, and for that I was astounded and elated. It was fun fighting others in friendly competitions, and I had to search for more opponents to satisfy my new urge for battle.

Do you still doubt my awesomeness? Man, you're a tough cookie, dude. I'll have to pull out Exhibit A (for "awesome").

Like I said, I went out searching for more opponents, occasionally sparring with Rayquaza or Mewtwo again for fun. The serpent seemed to have forgiven me and my brother, and we actually became close pals after our first fight. To be honest, he's nice to hang out with, although he rarely comes down to Earth so I have to go up to meet him. Mewtwo is skeptical about my use of the word "friendship" around him, but I think we're buddies, too. At least, he hasn't tried to kill me, which is an improvement.

Anyways, I was searching the planet for Pokemon (or even Trainers' Pokemon) to fight, when suddenly a bright light blinded me in my travels. I had to cover my eyes as I instinctively switched to Defense Forme, but I couldn't seem to do it as I was suddenly stuck in a state of tranquility. Gradually, I was able to look up and gaze in awe and a beautiful white creature who had golden hooves and a wheel around its midriff which glowed with godliness. It was the most gorgeous sight I had ever seen, and I was struck with such amazement that me eyes seemed like they were going to fall out of my head. I wouldn't have noticed if they did, though – I was _that amazed._

A soothing voice spoke to me then, telling me that with my great power, I was a strong and worthy Pokemon to inhabit this planet. He (at least, it sounded like a he) said that I was admirable and trustworthy, and that I had proven my worth during my travels and experiences with several of the Legendaries. "If you would like," he offered, "you may yourself join our ranks and become a Legendary."

To say I was shell-shocked would be such an understatement I would have to punch you in the jaw. I mean, I had heard a lot from both Rayquaza and Mewtwo about their Legendary status, but to be offered that same position by what seemed to be the kindest and yet most powerful creature I had ever met – oh, man, that really baffled me. I couldn't find my voice then, and I had to nod to tell him that yes, I accepted, I accepted, I accepted! He had to tell me to stop nodding, and he chuckled at my excitement as he placed his snout to my forehead as if he was blessing it with some magical power. Immediately, I felt lighter, stronger, nimbler, and most of all, more intelligent. I had a sudden flash of inspiration and determination to learn everything about the world, and I looked up at him with teary eyes to ask, "Who are you?"

He left me with his name – "Arceus". I don't really know what to make of that name, but somehow, it suits him. As I floated there, a newly named Legendary, I suddenly wished I had a mouth so that I could smile. It probably was a good thing I didn't have one, though, because I would have smile so wide I would have broken my face in half!

"Oh…man."

I was silent for a moment, taking it all in, before it finally hit me. (All curses of joy are staying in my natural language, to keep it clean)

"_Holy frakensholf, I'm a Legendary! A torklen Legendary! Oh, man, no way!_" I launched into a high-speed spiral, laughing hysterically before shooting off across the horizon in search of the green dragon. When I found him, I didn't stop, instead tackling him in the side and screaming in his ear, "I'm a torklen_ Legendary! Frakensholf,_ can you _believe it?!_"

Needless to say, he got a bit grumpy because of that, and I took my celebrating to the even grumpier Legend, Mewtwo. He nearly threw me out of the place, but I was still glad to have told them.

The only person left to tell now was the kid.

He was lying in his bed resting when I floated through and in his window to his room. I gently shook him awake, and after I muffled his screaming with a hand, I told him the news. Delighted, we both danced around the room in joy before his parents came up and I had to hide. But boy, was he happy for me – he even gave me a present for the occasion! It wasn't much, but he had made me a necklace in his "art class" (whatever that is) out of string and beads in my colors. I keep it around my arm (I like it there better than around my neck, actually) to remind me of the joyous occasion, and I keep on telling me what has gone through my mind whenever I reminisce over that memory.

"Frackensholf, I'm awesome."

So, I think you're convinced now of my awesomeness. (Don't say you aren't if you know what's good for you.) And yet, after all of this, I'm still humble…ish. I don't push around other Pokemon just because I'm "better than them" or anything, and I make sure to be responsible and follow my duties whenever I'm told. And honestly, this is all I could ever ask for. I'm sorry Mark wasn't able to enjoy this with me, but I'm sure that wherever he is, he's happy.

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_Man, this was a lot longer than my Shaymin entry. ^w^; Hm, I wonder why? Maybe it was just too much fun to write. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I can't wait to see what the judges think of my entry! You're on, DG! XP_

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Lots of dragon-y love (and cookies!),  
~DL ('Dragon Lover')


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